The Anguish of the Childless

Two people become one. They embark on a journey together committed to each other and the life they hope to make. They are madly in love. They are certain that together through their love they will be able to conquer anything that comes their way. The time comes that a choice is made to expand their family. The attempt to expand is at first casual, fun, and exciting. With each passing month the level of anxiety is heightened. Doctors are consulted, plans are formed, and hope is partially restored.

You begin testing. It is embarrassing for your husband and potentially invasive for your wife. She has to take injections daily. She tracks days, her temperature, and her shots. The calendar that all this is written on becomes almost sacred. What was once casual, fun, and exciting has become like a job. The small victories are quickly snuffed out with hope crushing experiences like pregnancies that end in miscarriages.  Weeks become months and months become years. The separation from the child you desperately want is an anguish you cannot describe. You hurt so deeply. The cost is prohibitive. The time is approaching where decisions about the future must be made.  Is it possible that the one you have literally given blood for may never come into your life?

There was a time when this story perfectly defined my life. The desire of my heart was to be a dad. I wanted someone that I could love. I wanted someone that I could take fishing. I wanted to teach them to be Godly. I wanted to be able wipe away their tears when they hurt and give them a high five when they succeeded. I ached for a relationship with a person that I did not know. Not only did I not know them they didn’t even exist. We were willing to put our bodies through any testing. We were willing to mortgage our futures for nothing more than the idea of a dream.

There is only one who can relate to anguish you feel.  The scriptures are consistent.  God wants to be present with his people.  He walked amongst them in the garden.  The temple represented the presence of God in the community during the days of Moses.  

John 1:14  14 The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

He sent his only son to quite literally dwell among us.  He gave us the Holy Spirit.  He wants to be with us.  

Acts 2:1-4  2 When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. 2 Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. 3 They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. 4 All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues[a] as the Spirit enabled them.

I have written about this before and I know it to be true.  I have walked through darkness.  It was only by the grace of God that I was able to come out on the other side.  The journey of those experiencing heartache.  It makes no difference if it is outright sin or if we allow our vision to be clouded by troubles of this life, they create a wall between us and God.  The Lord wants us in His presence.  He gave his only son so that we could reside there.  Put your faith and trust in Him.  

In Christ,

Jeremy

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